1:35amBrooks I wish I lived alone I could watch PCU all day 1:35amMe that’s why you wish you lived alone? wow, you deserve to be sad about your life 1:36amBrooks Piven you scoundrel! Give back those kegs!
When my boyfriend punches me, I just tell the kids that mommy’s nose is having it’s period. That usually just makes them cry even more.
Anonymous asked: Do you have any thing up on The Onion yet?
Anonymous asked: Do you have any stand-up videos available online?
2:07amMe I’ve been in my room for the last 2 days. I’m going bananas AND I think a tarantula laid eggs in my ear 2:09amBrooks haha You have the worst luck! 2:09amMe will you come over and help me kill the spider infestation? 2:10amBrooks Sure 2:10amMe hurry! they re hatching 2:10amBrooks Oh no I’m outside your door it’s too late 2:11amMe we are the spiders that killed...
Future Princess Diaries
Dear Prince Harry, I am writing to inform you of my interest in becoming your wife and therefore Princess of something or other. Despite my strong disdain for red haired persons, I find you somewhat kind of attractive, I guess. Being royalty and all, I’m sure you get a lot of attention from the ladies, but take note my sweet prince, I am not like other women. First off, I understand...